Cesaro: You Should Play Yakuza 0!

Do you like Japanese stuff? You’re reading this blog, so that’s a given.

Do you like beat-em-ups? Probably!

Do you like shirtless men with tattoos worthy of being in The Louvre beating the snot out of each other? At first you didn’t think so, but congratulations! You do now.

Yakuza

 

I first played


 

Yakuza 0 Launch Trailer


 

I also saw THIS picture, and if it doesn’t sell you immediately or at least pique your interest, stop being boring.

Yakuza 0

 

 


“You used me……… for LAND DEVELOPMENT?”

 

The game starts with a fresh-faced Kazuma Kiryu, a 20-year-old lieutenant for the Tojo Clan’s Dojima Family, beating the daylights out of a salaryman in a dingy lot for not paying his debts. Not long after, the salaryman dies, and the family wants Kiryu to leave for “killing” him in a lot that turns out to be worth millions of dollars. Kiryu goes on a quest to clear his name and to unravel the secrets behind the multi-million dollar plot causing the clan’s infighting. Kiryu is not the only protagonist in this game who gets himself in sticky situations. Goro Majima, a long-time fan favorite of many

 

Can you believe Majima goes from this:

To this?:

 

Majima starts out running a Cabaret club down in Osaka, as part of his punishment for not showing up to the hit on the Ueno Seiwa clan’s boss 3 years prior. The other half was losing one of his eyes. Majima is offered a chance to go back to his regular Yakuza life, but he must execute the inheritor of the same multi-million dollar lot that Kiryu beat up the salaryman in.

 

I normally don’t like cutscene-heavy games, but

https://youtu.be/c4DP_ci1aAM?t=78

 

Even if you still don’t like heavy cutscenes, the gameplay and quests are what makes this game SHINE. Here’s a glimpse of the battle styles in this game:

*DJ Khaled Voice* AND ANUVA WUN:

 

Both Kiryu and Majima have 3 fighting styles in the game (4 if you finish both characters’ subplots), and the player can swap between any of them, depending on what they feel is best for the situation. The combat in this game is VERY easy to pick up on; even your grandma will be able to duck and weave punches ingame after a few hours, while also maintaining a lot of depth. The boss fights are mostly a lot of fun, with minimal cheese. Even on harder difficulties, they’re not as rage-inducing, they’re tough yet very fair.

 

The second gameplay video showcases Majima’s breaker style, a style he learns from breakdancing kids on the street. It’s featured in a LOT of gameplay videos because not only is it unique, it’s really fun once you learn the timings of each move, and it’s pretty easy to do lots of damage very quickly with. You can also use weapons, ranging from things like Nunchuks to tasers to shotguns, to MOTORCYCLES.

 

You can windmill piledrive people straight into concrete in this game. You can do Brock Lesnar F5s in this game. YOU CAN LITERALLY DO ALL OF RANDY ORTON’S SIGNATURES IN THIS GAME

 

Shoryuken-ing seedy strangers isn’t the only Japanese pastime that this game allows you to partake in. There’s RC car racing:

 

 

 


 

Baseball:


 

Trying to talk to non-anime women ON THE PHONE but getting catfished:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qB2iSAIwQ7A

 

    



 

Claw machines:


 

Bowling

 

Betting on softcore joshi-puro (women’s pro wrestling Japan):

DANCING

and KARAOKE:

 

BUT WAIT! There’s MORE! Both Kiryu and Majima have side plots that will have you investing hours into. Kiryu runs a real-estate business, where buys properties in the area, invests in and collects money from them, and fights off the “Five Billionaires” in an attempt to own most of Kamurocho.


“Pictured: Kazuma Kiryu on the next season of Shark Tank”

 


 

You know how I said Majima runs a Cabaret club? His side plot is hosting ANOTHER club, but you actually get to run it yourself. Now, THIS will easily bump your playthrough hours by at least 20. Only in Yakuza can you go from beating people up in the most violent, unspeakable ways, to this:


You have to run Club Sunshine, a failing hostess club, and raise money to not only improve your hostesses’ looks, but also buy sponsorships from stores in the area, and fight other hostess clubs and get their hostesses to work for you. Like Kiryu fights the Five Billionaires for control of the inner-Tokyo real estate market, Majima fights the Five “Club Czars” for control of the hostess club scene in inner Osaka. When you finish each character’s subplot, you unlock another fighting style, ones based on their movesets from the other

 

The last thing I want to mention is the soundtrack. Good god almighty the fight themes are great.


 

Yakuza 0

 

 ---


Hey, thanks for reading! This was a post from my close friend Cesaro, and the first guest post in general! Like I said at the outset of the blog, we do accept guest submissions (normally they won't be uploaded on a Wednesday, I just didn't finish my post in time and she was already writing this.). If you have something you're passionate about and would like to get it posted somewhere for others to read, feel free to contact me at the Cement Mixer discord https://discord.gg/x4vvzeu or email me directly at TheCementMix@Gmail.com

The usual weekly post should release later this week, guest posts will not replace DrowZ ones, though they might appear as bonuses. At least unless I am actually incapable of writing one.

Also, normally I would plug the writer's paypal or ko-fi or wherever they take donations, but Cesaro has requested that any donations be pointed towards those contributing to Black Lives Matter, or towards the blog itself.

Thank you for your continued reading!

Here are some other posts:


(Speaking of which, if you're Fern10, send an email to TheCementMix@Gmail.com!)



And also if you'd like to follow DrowZ on twitter, here it is: https://twitter.com/SetinCement

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